Today’s Mill thinks it’s about time

The Mill had planned to start today’s piece by answering some of life’s great questions. Then we found out Andrey Arshavin had already answered them all. From the best way of dealing with being fat (”lose weight”) to whether rain drops are in fact angels’ tears (they’re not), Andrey has been addressing the world’s biggest concerns on his personal website for some weeks now. And so, after several seconds of soul-searching, we decided to just do what comes naturally … and copy his answers.

“Andrey, what meaning do you put in the word ‘a friend’,” ponders a poster by the name of IFFA. “I think that I can call those people friends who are around not only when everything is fine, but also when it’s hard,” responds Arshavin. “A friend in need is a friend indeed.” Sadly, by that rationale, Steven Gerrard and Rafael Benítez are no friends of Liverpool, since both are apparently plotting to do one to Real Madrid in the summer.

“Andrey, what do you think people need pain for,” demands iloveme. “For people not to forget that they are mere mortals,” says Andrey. “Some people say that suffering purifies the soul.” Of course, another way of looking at it would be that people need pain to teach them to stop doing stupid things, like appointing Iain Dowie. It seems Hull still haven’t learned their lesson.

“Hi A.A. Do you believe in destiny,” muses From Africa. “Yes,” confirms Andrey. “Everything happens for a reason.” Burnley are reportedly getting ready to sack Brian Laws. Reasons are not hard to discern.

“You know sometimes I feel so down. What shall I do,” asks tasha100 know. “Try to overcome this situation. Think that after this bad streak, there’s definitely going to be a good one. Despondency is a sin.” Martin O’Neill will do his best to shake off that mid-March funk by counting out all the coins in his penny jar to see if he will have enough to purchase Tomasz Kuszczak from Manchester United in the summer.

“Hi, Andrey, I love Arsenal and helicopters. My friend, Steve, said that he met you once and he said you were very nice but you smelt of coffee. Do you like coffee? He also said that he held your hand. If I met you please could I hold your hand, I promise it will be no longer than for three minutes,” says Anthony, 28, from England. “I don’t drink coffee at all,” insists Andrey. Erm …

Have you ever been stung by the bees in the forehead or near the eye,” inquires kostea. “No, but I’ve been stung once in my behind by a bee,” says Andrey. The Mill has nothing more to add.

Steven GerrardRafael BenítezReal MadridLiverpoolHull CityBurnleyAston VillaPremier LeaguePaolo Bandiniguardian.co.uk

The best kind of wins, brighter Formula One drivers like Jackie Stewart and Niki Lauda used to say, are those achieved when driving as slowly as possible. For the best part of an hour Villa pootled disinterestedly along, like a Ferrari keeping pace with a Mini. Then they yawned, glanced in the rear view mirror, and accelerated into the distance.

There were few signs of the mayhem to come during a first half in which Burnley’s game-plan seemed to be working solidly enough. They took the lead when Steven Fletcher turned in David Nugent’s low centre, and though they conceded a poor equaliser, when Ashley Young’s low, pacy cross was allowed to bounce through the crowded penalty area and past the unsighted goalkeeper Brian Jensen, the visitors appeared to regroup well.

The second half began in the same fashion, at least until dozy defending of a throw-in allowed Young to speed down the left, before pulling the ball back for Stewart Downing to collect in the Burnley penalty area. The former Middlesbrough winger still had plenty to do, but his smart angled shot beat both Jensen and Leon Cort’s attempt to clear off the line.

The next few minutes were a disaster for the visitors. Downing scored again after Jensen had saved in a one-on-one with Gabriel Agbonlahor, and then Agbonlahor out-paced Clarke Carlisle to cross for Emile Heskey to side-foot home from close range. Shortly afterwards Heskey and Milner combined cleverly to set up Agbonlahor for a fifth.

Martin Paterson’s late consolation goal will have meant little to Burnley supporters accustomed to seeing their team beaten on the road. This was their 14th away game on their travels, and their net return is still only one point.

Premier LeagueAston VillaBurnleyRichard Raeguardian.co.uk

Aston Villa are unbeaten in the Premier League in 2010, but three draws in their last four matches have seen Martin O’Neill’s side begin to drift off the pace in the chase for the final Champions League qualifying position. With a midweek FA Cup replay against Crystal Palace and the small matter of next Sunday’s Carling Cup final against Manchester United also looming large, O’Neill unsurprisingly gave his players a few days off this week, and will hope the return to fitness of top scorer Gabriel Agbonlahor ensures there are no slip-ups against Burnley. Richard Rae

Venue Villa Park

Tickets £17-36 (0800 612 0970)

Last season n/a

Referee S Attwell

This season’s matches 11 Y45, R1, 4.18 cards per game

Odds Aston Villa 2-5 Burnley 9-1 Draw 15-4

Aston Villa

Subs from Guzan, L Young, Sidwell, Albrighton, Delfouneso, Davies, Delph, Salifou, Heskey, Beye

Doubtful Agbonlahor (calf), Heskey (groin)

Injured Reo-Coker (foot, Apr), Harewood (foot, May), Bouma (ankle, unknown)

Suspended None

Form guide DDWDDL

Disciplinary record Y43 R2

Leading scorer Agbonlahor 10

Burnley

Subs from Penny, Weaver, Alexander, Kalvenes, Duff, Gudjonsson, Paterson, Edgar, McCann, Blake, Jordan, Nimani, Thompson, Guerrero, Cork

Doubtful Alexander (calf), Cort (groin), Jordan (hamstring), Kalvenes (hamstring), McCann (knee)

Injured Caldwell (groin, 27 Feb)

Suspended None

Form guide LWLLLL

Disciplinary record Y34 R2

Leading scorer S Fletcher 6

Match pointers

• Burnley have the worst away record in Premer League history after 13 matches of a season – one point and a goal difference of minus 30

• If selected, Brad Friedel will be making his 350th Premier League appearance

• Cameroon defender Andre Bikey is the only non-British player to have scored a league goal for Burnley this season

• Aston Villa have kept eight clean sheets in their last 11 top-flight matches

• Brian Jensen has made more saves (165) than any other keeper in the division in 2009-10

Aston VillaBurnleyPremier Leagueguardian.co.uk